Okay, so this is probably the 20th time I’ve watched this movie because it’s just so damned cool.  It’s also the first time I’m watching it on BD (blu-ray disc).

Before we get to my most memorable moments, let’s talk about the elephant in the room.  That is, the perceived gayness of this movie.   “What!” you say?  “Oh no!” you say?  I said the same words when I first heard talk of a then new actor/director/filmmaker named Quentin Tarantino making fun of one of my favorite man movies.   Then…I started replaying the movie quickly in my head…and yes, all the signs were there.   But the movie still kicks ass, and I still love it.

By the way, I finally watched the scene of a movie where Tarantino makes fun of “Top Gun” just so I won’t accidentally use any of his jokes, instead using my own.  So, for those of you who are unaware of the overt/covert gayness of this movie, here they are.  1) Maverick and the majority of the pilots love to talk very closely to each other.  You know, like the way a guy would to a girl whom he’s interested in.  2) During classes, the driver and his RIO (F-14 Tomcats have a crew of 2, the driver, or pilot, and the Radar Intercept Operator) would sit very close to each other, often one has his arm around the other, like they were on a date watching a movie.  3)  During one of the said classes, one of the crew pairs (call signs Hollywood and Wolfman) make comments regarding dogfighting: “gives me a hard on,” followed by the other one who says, “don’t tease me.”  4) During a scene where Maverick is in the hospital after the accident, he’s bent over a sink, wearing just his underwear and dogtags.  Viper, one of the instructors, comes in, and all of a sudden goes behind Maverick and stands there as he talks to him.  I was getting flashbacks of two awesome, extremely scary, prison movies called “American Me” and “Blood In, Blood Out.”  5) A top ranking officer yells repeatedly to Viper that he “wants some butts!”

Well, now that I got that out of the way, my favorite part of this movie is the opening.   The way the synthesizers kick in as the Paramount stars swirl to surround the mountain; fading in to an aircraft carrier busy preparing our mighty warbirds for launch; the music getting more dramatic as the “Top Gun” anthem turns into the rocking “Danger Zone” and we see Tomcats launching and landing.

This movie is one hell of a recruiting tool for the U.S. Navy.  I wonder how many suckers fell for it, signing up and thinking they were going to be Naval Aviators (the best pronunciation of it is from Louis Gossett Jr. in “An Officer And A Gentleman”), and wound up being top refuelers, or top janitors, or top cooks.   Hey, somebody’s got to clean the toilets after the flyboys take a dump in there, right?   And somebody has to cook the food so that said flyboys can have something in their intestines to drop bombs into the toilets, right?

It’s hard to believe “Top Gun” came out (literally as well as figuratively) when I was a Junior in H.S.  I’m happy to say my looks have improved since then while so many of the actors in this movie did the opposite.  Tom Cruise had a serious unibrow going on in “Top Gun.”   Blu-ray showed every disgusting hair growing like a mini forest between his eyebrows.  He looked like he was going to transform into a werewolf!   Since this movie, he got rid of the unibrow, and overall he kept himself in good shape.   Meg Ryan is the other actor to improve her looks since “Top Gun.”  In this movie, she looks like a ghoul.  Her eyes look sunken in like she died a few days ago.  Her hair: I’ve seen $5 mops that look better than that.  I don’t think she wore make-up in this movie.  Did she just roll out of her trailer after sleeping and they started shooting her?   Anyway, movies like “When Harry Met Sally” proved she can look like hot mama.  Congratulations to her for improving herself.   As for Cruise’s and Ryan’s co-stars…

Anthony Edwards lost his hair.  Some guys can pull off this look.  Not A.E.   Sorry, guy.  Kelly McGillis.  They may as well call her Kelly McGilla Gorilla.   Val Kilmer, Iceman.  I think Iceman had way too much ice cream.  Have you seen him lately?  He looks like he needs to buy two seats in a plane!

Hey, I know old age and death comes to us all; but I plan to fight them off as long as I can.  And every time I watch “Top Gun” I will rejoice at how young and beautiful everyone was.   How young I was and full of promise that sadly did not come to fruition.   “I feel the need…the need for speed.”  That’s true for me more than ever.  Which is why, not too long ago, I splurged and finally bought my first sports car.  Not because I was having some mid-life crisis (does mid-life start at 50?  If so, I’m far from that).  But because life can be short, and when I drive my Genesis Coupe, I feel the way Maverick does when he’s in his F-14 Tomcat.  Alive.

M

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