Two scientists create a creature based on the DNA of various animals, and interesting and horrifying things happen.   “Splice” was trashed by critics and the movie going public; and I was hesitant to give almost 2 hours of my life to watching this movie, but since it was available for free from the library, I figured I’d give it a chance.   I’m glad I did, because it was worth my time.

Dren is the name of the creature that is concocted by Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley, “The Pianist” and the “Dawn of the Dead” chick.   Dren starts off looking like a big maggot sack, then she quickly grows into a mini Kangaroo/rat thing as a “child”; then as a “teenager” she’s a woman from the neck to the waist, a Kangaroo from the waist down, with a head that looks like an alien with Down’s Syndrome.  Gorgeous, huh?   Adrien Brody’s character thinks so, because he bangs her.

Oh, did I mention that Brody and Polley raised Dren in secret, feeding her, teaching her, dressing her, keeping her safe from their bosses who may abuse her?  In a sense, Brody is Dren’s father.  So when Brody has sex with his experiment, the incest-like nature of the act adds to the queasiness in one’s stomach.   During sex, Dren is in so much ecstasy that wings spontaneously sprout from her arms and back.  Brody sees this.  Does he stop?  Does he say, “enough, this is too weird?”  Nope, he just goes with the flow.

Now, I understand people are into weird sex acts.  Or what is considered weird by the majority.   The craziest thing I’ve done “behind closed doors” was to hogtie a woman.   It didn’t last too long as it was uncomfortable for her, so I untied her and we did other things.  And I don’t think that’s too weird at all.  Keep in mind my partner was 100% woman, not some crazy experiment that looks like Corky from “Life Goes On.”  Anyway, the Brody/Dren sex scene is the most memorable moment of “Splice.”

Oh!   Oh!   Polley walks in on Brody (they’re a couple, by the way) and Dren during their intimate moment!   Brody chasing after a disgusted Polley as he fumbles to keep his pants on had me laughing to no end.  Seriously, if your significant other caught you banging an animal, there’s not much you can say to salvage the relationship.

A close runner up for the most memorable “Splice” moment is the part when Dren spontaneously turns into a male, and rapes Polley’s character, who is like Dren’s mother.  She screams, “What do you want!”  Dren growls, “Inside…you!”  Where’s my Pepto Bismol?

Violence, playing god, rape, incest, murder.   This story could be in the Bible.

M

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