Tom Hardy and Chris Pine play best friends who happen to be spies who have no relationship entanglements.  Reese Witherspoon is the woman who accidentally comes between them.  The ground rules the spies set for themselves before they vie for the same chick gets tossed out the window as both men start to fall for Witherspoon and each one wants their Reese’s pieces.   Welcome to “This Means War.”

In this corner we have Pine, a super bachelor with a kick ass bachelor’s pad (that I wish I have)!  He’s slick, so slick some women may consider him slimy.  He’s an overgrown kid who just wants to have commitment-less fun, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

In that corner we have Hardy!   British: used in this movie as a four letter word and is not fully explained, which makes it more funny.  He’s a romantic, looking for “the one.”  But he’s got this weird thing going on with some of his front teeth, like a few are bigger than the others.

In the middle of the ring we have Witherspoon: single, beautiful, a big heart, a romantic, and also looking for her true love.

Who gets who?  I won’t tell, so just watch the movie!  It’s fun, lighthearted fare.   It’s a mish mosh of romance, action and comedy.   At about 97 minutes long, the movie moves fast; but slows down just enough to develop the characters to make it all work.   I was surprised at the short, action sequence at the end.   I guess I’m used to overlong, overblown endings of action flicks.  Damn, you, Michael Bay, for getting me hooked on 45 minute, non-stop action finales!

So what’s my first runner up for the most memorable movie moment in “This Means War?”  The scene where Witherspoon is in her kitchen singing along to “This Is How We Do It” by Montell Jordan.  She is so cute dancing around her place shaking her cute, little butt to the music as Pine and Hardy infiltrate her home to plant surveillance equipment to give each one a leg up on how to win her heart.

And for the most memorable movie moment:  when Hardy teaches a bullying father a lesson in humility.  Okay, we have to go back to a scene where Hardy’s son (from a previous marriage) is fighting the son of a bullying father in a martial arts class.  Hardy’s son gets beaten like a black driver gets beaten by the NYPD.  The bullying father yells and screams his adulation at his son while Hardy is trying to make his own son feel better about the match.   Hardy, bent over so he can talk closely with his son, suddenly gets a hard slap from the bullying father.   The face Hardy makes at the bullying father is similar to the one I make when I gas up my car and see that the prices went up again.  Bullying father scolds Hardy and tells him “pain is weakness leaving the body!”  Hardy’s son walks away and Hardy decides to take the high road and go after his son instead of making the bullying father answer for being an idiot.  Oh, it was painful to watch, because you knew Hardy could have destroyed the bullying father.

Well, later on there is a rematch of the sons in the dojo, and Hardy’s son — obviously taught some moves by his father — beats the son of the bullying father.   And when no one is looking, Hardy gives extremely fast, “Fist of The North Star” punches to the bullying father within a fraction of a second, stunning him and giving him so much pain he can barely breathe.  Revenge!   Hardy, being the gentleman, helps the bullying father to sit down, and tells him that “pain is just weakness leaving the body.”   Hell, yeah, I like this guy!  Despite his two Chiclet-sized front teeth.

Revenge is a dish best served anytime you can get away with it.

M

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