I knew that “Drenched In Blood” is a compilation of indie, low-budget (very, very, very indie and extremely low-budget) movies, but I bought it anyway (for $10, I think, which is $9.99 more than what it’s worth).   Why did I spend my hard-earned money on this?  Because at the time, I was still involved in making micro-budget, indie flicks; and I wanted to see samples of what was being distributed.  What I got was horrifying — not for the storylines, but for how badly made these movies are, and they still got distribution.

Okay, “Devil’s Moon.”  A bitchy boss gets stranded in a desert/forest (hey, the director obviously didn’t care that the backgrounds of his shots didn’t match, so what do you want from me?) and gets kidnapped by a serial killer.   A guy who just got fired by bitchy boss winds up in the same desert/forest and runs into bitchy boss and serial killer; and joins forces with bitchy boss to escape the clutches of serial killer dude.  Short, black, muscular, co-worker of fired dude and bitchy boss happens to be jogging all day through the same desert/forest, and is now on the run from serial killer along with his co-workers.   Two Goth chicks who are — yup, you guessed it! — co-workers of bitchy boss, fired dude, and short, black, muscular jogger are in the same desert/forest along with a 3rd Goth chick in order to conjure up spirits with a cauldron that appears in one shot, disappears in another. Oh, they also use a sword that, in one shot, is a medieval type, European sword; then in another shot, it becomes a Samurai sword.  Magic?  No, continuity error.   Like the part where bitchy boss has duct tape on her mouth, then she doesn’t, then she does.

Goth chicks produce a spell that turns people into zombies.  What, you thought this was a survival story of co-workers avoiding a serial killer?  So did I.  But I think the writer/director wanted to make a serial killer story, and a zombie story, and decided “what the hell, I’ll combine them!”  In the hands of a talented filmmaker, it could work.   In the hands of someone with the filmmaking talents of a 10-year-old with mental development issues who uses actors with the talents of drunken chimps, it results in the longest 90 minutes of your life.

The acting is so horrendous, it makes 3rd grade, school play actors feel superior.   Oh, and the editing!  10% of the shots have no sound!  Not even a hiss, or static, or wind noise.   Nothing!  And those silent shots are my most memorable, movie moments.  Memorable because it’s obvious the filmmaker just didn’t give a f@#k and he was probably thinking “if they’re watching it, I’ve already got their money, so screw ’em!”

The only redeeming quality of “Devil’s Moon” is that it made me and my friend, Ed, laugh.  I had the movie on my shelf for years, unwatched; and Ed took a visit back to NYC, and we decided to watch “Devil’s Moon” the way we used to watch indie flicks back in the day when VHS was king.   We felt like we were in our 20s again.  And that’s priceless.

Be safe out there in the West Coast, Ed.  You are a prince.

M

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