The fifth movie of the “Resident Evil” series, “Resident Evil: Retribution” is what I call a “rice cake” movie.  On the outside, there is volume, but there’s really not much there; there’s some texture, some flavor, but little substance.  Why does Hollywood keep making these movies?  Because dumb asses keep paying to watch them!  Maybe you’re one of them.  I’m not — I saw this movie for free (thanks, library!).

So, here’s the plot: Milla Jovovich wakes up in a huge, underground lab in Europe.  While her friends topside come down to rescue her, Jovovich has to go through several sections of the lab (like levels in a video game) in order to rendezvous with her friends.  Oh, Jovovich has a little girl in tow, played by Aryana Engineer (if I was her I’d find a way to engineer myself into better movies).   Engineer is one of many clones that populate the lab; and her specific clone has been imprinted with memories that she is the daughter of a Jovovich clone.  So, Engineer thinks that the regular Jovovich is her mommy.  Silly, over the top, non-engaging action sequences litter the movie.  And that’s it.  That’s the movie.

Runner up to my most memorable, movie moment is the scene when Jovovich and Engineer see the long lines of clones of themselves and others.  Engineer starts freaking out, and asks Jovovich what the clones are, then asks her if she is her real mommy.  This is memorable because it shows how well Engineer can act; and it shows that this little girl is the best actor in this movie.

My most memorable, movie moment is the last scene.  No, I’m not being a smart ass.  The last scene is purely a scene out of the deepest depths of hell.  Worse than being molested by the TSA.  Worse than being stopped and frisked because your skin color is too dark.  Worse than banks being bailed out by their politician friends using your tax money, and having those same banks come roaring back with increased fines and fees for you and moi.  Worse than the government curtailing your rights supposedly to keep you safe.   And what is this scene?   A very famous building with remnants of the military holding off tens of thousands of monsters.

M

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