The fifth of the “Fast And The Furious” movies takes us to Brazil where Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Jordana Brewster and other franchise alumni are hiding out from the long arm of the U.S. law.  Money is tight, so Diesel’s crew decides to hijack sports cars that have been seized by U.S. Federal agents.  These cars were owned by the most powerful, Brazilian crime lord; and he hires Diesel and his gang to get his cars back, not because the crime lord is a fan of cars, but because one of the vehicles contains important information about his criminal business.   Unfortunately for Diesel and his crew, the crime lord is set to turn on them after the job is done.  Further adding to the misfortune of the fugitives, some of the Feds were killed by the crime lord’s thugs, and Diesel and Walker are blamed for the killings; and a super duper Fed played by The Rock and his crew of compression shirt-wearing agents are sent to bring them down.

One silver lining of the botched hijacking: Diesel has the special car with the important info; and he decides to use that info to rob the crime lord of all his cash.  But Diesel is going to need help with this huge robbery, so he and Walker bring to Brazil a larger crew comprised of major characters from the previous “Fast And The Furious” movies.   There’s Ludacris, whose acting ability is ludicrous; there’s Tyrese Gibson, whose teeth are the whitest in the movie business; (SPOILER ALERT HERE) there’s the Asian dude (Sung Kang) who died in the 3rd movie of the franchise (“The Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Drift”), but is still alive in the 4th and 5th movie.  Huh?  Well, apparently the 5th movie takes place in the past, before movie number 3.  Anyway, I’m glad the Asian dude is around in movies 4 and 5, because he was the coolest character in the 3rd movie.   Plus he’s Asian, and us yellow people need to stick together.

“Fast Five” gives its target audience what it wants: cool, fast cars; illegal night races where women are half-naked and do not look like Rosie O’Donnell; gunfights; fistfights; and cars at WOT (that’s wide open throttle to you non-car folks) doing outrageous stunts.  Fans won’t be disappointed.  And if they are, it’s because certain cars that they wanted to see were not in the movie.

My most memorable, movie moment of “Fast Five” is the scene when Diesel makes a toast as his crew (one of whom is his pregnant sister) surrounds him.  He tells them that money comes and goes, but family is the most important thing.  Diesel isn’t just talking about blood relation, he also means close friends, ones you trust and love and can count on when things are going badly.

Damn right.  In my moments of sorrow, it’s the knowledge that I have relatives and best friends who care for me that gives me the strength to force the darkness out of my heart.