Archives for posts with tag: Adrien Brody

Peter Jackson does a very good job directing and co-writing this 3rd remake of “King Kong,” which has a huge advantage over the 2nd remake because of the special effects, and the performance of Andy Serkis who plays Kong (Serkis also plays another character in this movie, by the way).   No longer is Kong a man in a suit (2nd remake), or a stop motion puppet (original movie).  Jackson’s Kong is CGI and he moves like a gorilla that we see in nature shows.  Not only that, but Kong’s facial expressions gives him a depth that allows the audience to connect with this powerful beast.  It would seem like Kong is the main character of “King Kong” — after all, it’s his name in the title.  But I think there is a case to be made that Jack Black’s character is as important as Kong.

“King Kong” is about a washed up director (Jack Black) during the depression years in America whose movie is shut down by the studio executives due to increasing expenses and a lack of promise for the movie.  Not wanting to see his movie — and his last opportunity to make his fortune — die, Black lies, cheats, and steals to get his cast and crew to the legendary Skull Island that contains ferocious beasts thought long dead.  He is the stereotypical director who only cares about his movie, and is willing to sacrifice anything and anyone for it.

Once Skull Island is found, Black quickly sends some of his actors and crew to the island so he can get high production value shots for his movie.  Unfortunately for Black and his group, the natives there don’t like visitors.  Violence quickly erupts, and Naomi Watts, the only white woman in the voyage, is kidnapped by the natives and turned over to Kong as a sacrifice.  What follows is a creature fest that alternates between silly and horrifying as an armed group of actors and film crew and seamen look for Watts.

Back to Black being as important as Kong: the Extended Cut is over 3 hours long, and in the first hour, Black is the main focus of the movie.  And Black, as I stated earlier, is focused on one thing, just as Kong is focused on Watts, and will do anything in his power to hold on to what he loves the most.  SPOILER ALERT coming up for those of you living on another planet and not knowing how “King Kong” ends.  Both Black and Kong ultimately get destroyed by going after what they need regardless of the cost: Black loses his soul, and Kong loses his life.

“King Kong” has amazing thrills and touching moments, and the 3 plus hours do go fast, which is proof of how good this movie is.  Yes, it does start off slow, and we don’t see Kong until the second act; but I like the old school way that this action/adventure/romance/horror movie starts, giving us a solid foundation for who the characters are and making the audience care for what happens to them.   Now, for the insults.  The sequence of the brontosaurs (brontosauruses, brontosauri, fat ass dinosaurs?) chasing the rescue group did not…look…realistic.  The CGI looked like the studio didn’t have enough money to do it right.   What the hell?   Did the studio spend the money on coke parties, did it have to pay off some teenaged boy or girl who got molested by a studio head during one of these parties; or did it really think that sequence looked good enough?  As I was watching that sequence, I got flashbacks of the special effects from that “Hercules” series starring Kevin Sorbo.  That’s not good.

Another insult: Jackson’s overuse of slow motion near the end of the 1st act and the beginning of the 2nd act.  I expected a lot more finesse from the director of the “Lord of The Rings” trilogy.  I equate “King Kong” to a new, Dodge Charger with one broken headlight — sure, it has a glaring flaw, but it’s still a hell of a ride.

One of my most memorable, movie moment of “King Kong” is the sequence when Kong saves Watts from three dinosaurs (Allosaurus, maybe?) that are desperate to eat her (then again, who isn’t?).   This is the moment when I started rooting for the big ape.  No longer was Kong a threat to Watts, instead he was now her protector.  Plus it was 3 against 1, and we Americans love an underdog.

Second most memorable, movie moment of this title is the scene when some of the rescue party is stuck in a ravine or gorge, and hundreds of giant insects come out to feed on the humans.  This is the most skin crawling and horrifying moment of “King Kong.”  Hey, I like white women just as much as the next guy, but no way in hell I’d go through that nightmare for her.

One last thought about “King Kong”: some think this is a metaphor for the fear of a black man being with a white woman and running loose in white society.  Keep in mind that the first movie came out in the early 1900s.  Also, in this version of “King Kong,” when Kong was running amok in NYC, there was a scene (my most memorable, movie moment of “King Kong”) where soldiers were in a truck being given a pep talk by their Commanding Officer.  He says something like, “This is NYC, built for humans by humans, not for stinking apes.  We find it, we kill it.”  Read between the lines, people.


“Predators” is, as far as memory serves me, the only movie I’ve seen that has a trailer that flat out lies to the audience!  It lies like a politician!  It lies like a CEO of a corporation!  It lies like a car salesman!  It lies like your teenaged kid!  What does the trailer lie about?  Well, have a seat and I’ll tell you — unless you have hemorrhoids, in which case you can remain standing.  Near the end of the trailer, there is a shot of Adrien Brody being “lased” by 15 Predator, laser targeting beams.  Which means 15 Predators in the movie, right?  Wrong.  In the movie, there is only one laser beam aimed at Brody.   One.  What a huge rip-off!  Like opening a huge bag of potato chips and only finding 3 ounces of chips inside.

So how many Predators are in “Predators?”  Four.   “Hey, that’s not bad,” you say.  “Oh, yes it is,” I reply.  I was promised 15 and given 4.  Ladies, if a man tells you he has 10 inches and he really has 5, you’d be upset!  Men, if a woman looks like a DD bra size, and it turns out to be mostly padding, you’d be upset!  Uh…never mind that last part…men are just happy to have sex; but you get the point!

Anyway…”Predators” takes place on a planet that Predators use as a game preserve.  Predators kidnap creatures from different planets (including people from Earth) and parachute them into their hunting ground for future fun and games.  Among the current batch of Earthlings is Adrien Brody, a mercenary.  Making up the rest of the batch is a Mexican, drug cartel member; a serial killer; a hit squad member from Sierra Leone; a Yakuza member; a Russian, Special Ops soldier; a female sniper played by Alice Braga; and white dude that seems out of place played by Topher Grace.

Here’s another thing that irks me about “Predators.”  The human prey know that they’ve been chosen to be hunted because of their viciousness and/or fighting abilities.  They’re all killers.   But Topher Grace’s background isn’t mentioned, or even hinted at, in the first 90% of the movie.  Why aren’t the other humans curious as to who he is and why he’s there with all these soldiers/mercenaries/killers?  Grace is the weakest of the humans; and he’s a bit of a goofball.  Why would the Predators want to hunt him?  Why aren’t the other humans looking at him the way  Klansmen would look at a black man who decided to join in the cross burning?  This is a big, logical flaw.

Another reason not to like “Predators” is the annoying, fake, tough guy voice that Brody uses.   It’s really bad, and distracting.   Every time he talks it takes me out of the movie.

Overall, “Predators” isn’t a bad movie.  Then again, a multi-million dollar, Hollywood movie loaded with talented actors is a failure if all the praise it can garner is that it isn’t a bad movie.

“Predators” gave me two memorable, movie moments.  Coming in at second place is the scene when one of the humans, played by Walton Goggins, is telling Grace that if he makes it out of the planet alive, he’s going to do massive amounts of coke, and will rape many bitches.  No matter what time of the day it is, it’ll be time to rape a bitch.  Wow.  I wonder if he’s related to the NYPD “Cannibal Cop?”

At the top of the memorable, movie moments of “Predators” is the scene when Goggins — yes, him again — becomes very aware that a threat is coming toward him and his group, and that he’s only armed with a knife, while everyone else (except for Grace) is carrying serious hardware.  Goggins starts whining like a little kid about someone giving him a spare gun because all he has is a tiny knife, but his pleas fall on deaf ears.  Oh, what a creepy, funny character.  Like a gym teacher.

Speaking of gym teachers, I have a story to tell you.  Back in elementary school, one of the regular teachers — some douche whose name I forgot —  was in charge of the gym.   So one day, he told all the students to go around him (to his left) and do a lap around the gym.  For some reason, I go around him to his right.  When my lap was done, he pulls me aside and tells me to do another lap because I didn’t follow instructions.  WTF!  Not being a troublemaker, I did as I was told, but man, I was pissed.  And as you can tell, I’m still pissed off!  I mean, can you believe that s@#t?  You’re going to make a kid suffer for some trivial thing because why?  Your wife was banging a younger guy with washboard abs?  You mother-f%&*er.  Well, I’d like to go back in time — but the way I am now (ripped and strong and fast from 28 years of working out) — and give Mr. Douche a fast knee into his soft, Pillsbury Doughboy stomach and watch him drop to his knees like a $5 whore.

I believe in forgiveness.  Only after make you suffer.


Two scientists create a creature based on the DNA of various animals, and interesting and horrifying things happen.   “Splice” was trashed by critics and the movie going public; and I was hesitant to give almost 2 hours of my life to watching this movie, but since it was available for free from the library, I figured I’d give it a chance.   I’m glad I did, because it was worth my time.

Dren is the name of the creature that is concocted by Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley, “The Pianist” and the “Dawn of the Dead” chick.   Dren starts off looking like a big maggot sack, then she quickly grows into a mini Kangaroo/rat thing as a “child”; then as a “teenager” she’s a woman from the neck to the waist, a Kangaroo from the waist down, with a head that looks like an alien with Down’s Syndrome.  Gorgeous, huh?   Adrien Brody’s character thinks so, because he bangs her.

Oh, did I mention that Brody and Polley raised Dren in secret, feeding her, teaching her, dressing her, keeping her safe from their bosses who may abuse her?  In a sense, Brody is Dren’s father.  So when Brody has sex with his experiment, the incest-like nature of the act adds to the queasiness in one’s stomach.   During sex, Dren is in so much ecstasy that wings spontaneously sprout from her arms and back.  Brody sees this.  Does he stop?  Does he say, “enough, this is too weird?”  Nope, he just goes with the flow.

Now, I understand people are into weird sex acts.  Or what is considered weird by the majority.   The craziest thing I’ve done “behind closed doors” was to hogtie a woman.   It didn’t last too long as it was uncomfortable for her, so I untied her and we did other things.  And I don’t think that’s too weird at all.  Keep in mind my partner was 100% woman, not some crazy experiment that looks like Corky from “Life Goes On.”  Anyway, the Brody/Dren sex scene is the most memorable moment of “Splice.”

Oh!   Oh!   Polley walks in on Brody (they’re a couple, by the way) and Dren during their intimate moment!   Brody chasing after a disgusted Polley as he fumbles to keep his pants on had me laughing to no end.  Seriously, if your significant other caught you banging an animal, there’s not much you can say to salvage the relationship.

A close runner up for the most memorable “Splice” moment is the part when Dren spontaneously turns into a male, and rapes Polley’s character, who is like Dren’s mother.  She screams, “What do you want!”  Dren growls, “Inside…you!”  Where’s my Pepto Bismol?

Violence, playing god, rape, incest, murder.   This story could be in the Bible.


%d bloggers like this: