Archives for posts with tag: gay

Grade A

The Disney hit machine is in full effect with a live action remake of “Beauty And The Beast” starring Emma Watson as Belle and Dan Stevens as the Beast.

For those rare few who are unfamiliar with the story, Stevens is an unkind, selfish prince who angered a witch who cursed him to live out his days as a hideous beast unless he falls in love with someone who also falls in love with him.  Stevens’ palace staff were also cursed, turning into clocks, dressers, candelabras, etc.  Enter Watson’s father, who picks a flower from Stevens’ palace grounds to give as a gift to Watson; and Stevens imprisons him for theft!  Watson, being the loving daughter, takes her father’s place as a prisoner.  What follows is a very rocky start, to say the least, to an unlikely romance between a beautiful, young lady and a monstrous-looking creature who has much love and kindness hidden deep in his soul, just waiting to be drawn out by the right woman.

But Stevens is on the clock: the witch has given him a rose, and when the last petal falls and Stevens has not met anyone who he has fallen in love with and loves him in return, Stevens and his staff will remain as they are forever.

My most memorable, movie moment of “Beauty And The Beast” is the scene when Watson and Stevens, all dressed up, dance together for the first time, and the song with the same title as the movie is sung by a tea kettle.

It’s been over a decade since I watched the animated version, so I was able to judge this iteration without being prejudiced by its predecessor.  The acting was good, the sets (practical and CGI) were lavish and bright to give hints as to its animated lineage, many characters were memorable and larger than life, and the musical numbers were simply amazing…I felt like I was watching an opera, that’s how intricate and beautiful many of the grander, musical pieces were.  This movie is a must-see for any Disney movie fan.

— M

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“The Hangover Part III” continues with the escape of Ken Jeong (Mr. Chow), and the kidnapping of Justin Bartha (Doug).   Are the two events connected?  You bet your hallucinogenic drugs they are.   Jeong apparently has stolen millions from a drug dealer, and that drug dealer wants to know where Jeong is.   The only lead the drug dealer has are the 4 guys who had ties to Jeong: Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifianakis, and Justin Bartha.  Bartha is held hostage and will be killed unless the remaining 3 friends bring Jeong and the stolen millions back to the drug dealer.

Although not as funny as the first movie, this third installment has enough laughs and craziness to be worth a cheap, matinee ticket.  Pay more than that and you may start to be upset.   I paid $9 for a double feature, so this movie cost me $4.50 to watch.  Not bad.

My most memorable, movie moment of “The Hangover Part III” is the scene when Jeong is about to kill Cooper and Helms, and Galifianakis gets in front of his friends and tells Jeong he has to kill him first.  The character Galifianakis plays is someone most of us would kill if he ever put us in situations like in these movies; but when he is willing to sacrifice himself to save his friends…well…you tend to cut the fat boy some slack — some, as he is still a weapon of mass destruction.

This is an okay movie, not really worth writing too much about.  I suggest you watch this movie high on your favorite booze or drugs.  It’ll make the experience better.

M

Have you ever had a night when you were young and hung out with your friends in a big city for one specific thing, and it turned into an all night adventure where you met strange, interesting, funny, and dangerous people; and no matter how strange things became, it was fun and exciting and everything turned out all right, and it would be one of those nights you’d never forget?   That is what “Nick And Norah’s Infinite Playlist” is.

Playing Nick is Michael Cera, and playing Norah is Kat Dennings; and both show great chemistry from the time they first meet all the way to the end of the movie.  Nick and Norah start off as strangers who have two things in common: they both like an elusive, indie band called “Where’s Fluffy?” and they  know a girl named Tris (played by Alexis Dziena).   Dziena is the ex-girlfriend of Cera, and she is also the frenemy of Dennings at her Catholic school.

As for “Where’s Fluffy?”, that band is the reason Cera and Dennings are in Manhattan, along with their respective entourages of friends.  They are both desperate to see this band; but they have to earn it by finding clues all over Manhattan as to where this band will be playing later on that night.  As if that wasn’t enough of a headache, Cera is still heartbroken over Dziena; and even though meeting Dennings livens up Cera a bit, Dziena is quick to douse the sparks she sees between Cera and Dennings — not because she still likes Cera, but because she’s one of those wenches who doesn’t like it when another girl likes the guy she threw away.  Further complicating the search for “Where’s Fluffy?” and the budding romance between Cera and Dennings is Dennings’ best friend getting wasted and lost in Manhattan.

My most memorable, movie moment of “Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist” is something I definitely can not relate to, but found it funny as hell: Dennings’ best friend is drunk and lost in Manhattan, and she finds herself in a bathroom stall in Penn Station.  She gets a call from Dennings on her cell phone, and drops the phone into a toilet that looks like it has a strong mixture of vomit and feces in it.  Then she drops her gum in the toilet.  After hesitating for a few seconds, she reaches into the bowl holding the toxic mixture of bodily waste and fishes out  her cell phone and her gum!  She puts the gum back in her mouth and starts chewing!  Absolutely gross and funny!

I very much enjoyed watching this movie, not because it was a great story; but because it felt good.   It reminded me of those times I went to Manhattan at night with friends, and had some interesting and fun nights.  It reminded me of when I was younger, and the energy of Manhattan had a hold of me and kept calling me back.  I can still hear its calls, but they are faint now.  The open roads have a stronger voice, wanting me to get into my red machine and fly…and I usually listen.

M

 

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We are introduced to one of the Avengers in this well-made, fun movie that gives us the background of Thor.  Thor is an immortal warrior of a place called Asgard, where the majority of the warriors dress like they are going to the gay pride parade in Manhattan.  Hey, if you’re going to die in battle, at least have the decency to look fabulous, right?  Give me two snaps up if you agree!  Anyway, Thor is the son of Odin, who is the ruler of Asgard.  Thor, being young and full of piss and vinegar (sounds like the contents of a tampon), commits acts that go against his father’s wishes.  On top of that, he royally insults his father; and Thor winds up being banished to Earth without his powers or his mighty, hammer weapon, Mjolnir.  Loki, Thor’s jealous bro, is left mostly unchecked in Asgard to do evil things that put the universe in danger.

Chris Hemsworth plays Thor, and he does a very good job of doing so.  He looks and acts like the God of Thunder, and his character is very likeable, especially when he does heroic acts as a human, knowing that he can be killed.  Natalie Portman plays Thor’s love interest; and she’s cute and she’s intelligent and she’s a spitfire…and I keep thinking of those lesbian scenes in “Black Swan.” In other words, it’s always a pleasure to see her onscreen.  We also have Kat Dennings, who I think is more adorable than Portman, even though they made Dennings into a geek in this movie.  Her comments about Thor’s looks are enjoyable; and I would love for Dennings to say those things about me.

“Thor” has action, romance, violence, comedy, drama, eye candy for men and women, a solid script and good direction and editing.  What, that’s not enough for you to watch this?  Then you’re just hard to please.  What do you want me to say?

My most memorable, movie moment is the sequence when Mjolnir comes back to Thor after he proves himself worthy of the mighty weapon.  It’s one of those dramatic, heroic moments that by now you all should know really gets to me.

When I was young, I wore a homemade cape, pretending to be a superhero.  I think I would still look good in a cape.  The problem is, I’m short; and most capes are made for tall people.  It’s hard to look heroic when you trip over a cape and your face is mashed against the pavement that is covered by grease, spit, dog doo-doo, discarded food, and thousands of chemicals that will give you dozens of cancers.

I guess I’ll just stick to treating people the way I want people to treat me.  To some that is considered honorable, maybe even heroic.  No cape needed.

M

Okay, so this is probably the 20th time I’ve watched this movie because it’s just so damned cool.  It’s also the first time I’m watching it on BD (blu-ray disc).

Before we get to my most memorable moments, let’s talk about the elephant in the room.  That is, the perceived gayness of this movie.   “What!” you say?  “Oh no!” you say?  I said the same words when I first heard talk of a then new actor/director/filmmaker named Quentin Tarantino making fun of one of my favorite man movies.   Then…I started replaying the movie quickly in my head…and yes, all the signs were there.   But the movie still kicks ass, and I still love it.

By the way, I finally watched the scene of a movie where Tarantino makes fun of “Top Gun” just so I won’t accidentally use any of his jokes, instead using my own.  So, for those of you who are unaware of the overt/covert gayness of this movie, here they are.  1) Maverick and the majority of the pilots love to talk very closely to each other.  You know, like the way a guy would to a girl whom he’s interested in.  2) During classes, the driver and his RIO (F-14 Tomcats have a crew of 2, the driver, or pilot, and the Radar Intercept Operator) would sit very close to each other, often one has his arm around the other, like they were on a date watching a movie.  3)  During one of the said classes, one of the crew pairs (call signs Hollywood and Wolfman) make comments regarding dogfighting: “gives me a hard on,” followed by the other one who says, “don’t tease me.”  4) During a scene where Maverick is in the hospital after the accident, he’s bent over a sink, wearing just his underwear and dogtags.  Viper, one of the instructors, comes in, and all of a sudden goes behind Maverick and stands there as he talks to him.  I was getting flashbacks of two awesome, extremely scary, prison movies called “American Me” and “Blood In, Blood Out.”  5) A top ranking officer yells repeatedly to Viper that he “wants some butts!”

Well, now that I got that out of the way, my favorite part of this movie is the opening.   The way the synthesizers kick in as the Paramount stars swirl to surround the mountain; fading in to an aircraft carrier busy preparing our mighty warbirds for launch; the music getting more dramatic as the “Top Gun” anthem turns into the rocking “Danger Zone” and we see Tomcats launching and landing.

This movie is one hell of a recruiting tool for the U.S. Navy.  I wonder how many suckers fell for it, signing up and thinking they were going to be Naval Aviators (the best pronunciation of it is from Louis Gossett Jr. in “An Officer And A Gentleman”), and wound up being top refuelers, or top janitors, or top cooks.   Hey, somebody’s got to clean the toilets after the flyboys take a dump in there, right?   And somebody has to cook the food so that said flyboys can have something in their intestines to drop bombs into the toilets, right?

It’s hard to believe “Top Gun” came out (literally as well as figuratively) when I was a Junior in H.S.  I’m happy to say my looks have improved since then while so many of the actors in this movie did the opposite.  Tom Cruise had a serious unibrow going on in “Top Gun.”   Blu-ray showed every disgusting hair growing like a mini forest between his eyebrows.  He looked like he was going to transform into a werewolf!   Since this movie, he got rid of the unibrow, and overall he kept himself in good shape.   Meg Ryan is the other actor to improve her looks since “Top Gun.”  In this movie, she looks like a ghoul.  Her eyes look sunken in like she died a few days ago.  Her hair: I’ve seen $5 mops that look better than that.  I don’t think she wore make-up in this movie.  Did she just roll out of her trailer after sleeping and they started shooting her?   Anyway, movies like “When Harry Met Sally” proved she can look like hot mama.  Congratulations to her for improving herself.   As for Cruise’s and Ryan’s co-stars…

Anthony Edwards lost his hair.  Some guys can pull off this look.  Not A.E.   Sorry, guy.  Kelly McGillis.  They may as well call her Kelly McGilla Gorilla.   Val Kilmer, Iceman.  I think Iceman had way too much ice cream.  Have you seen him lately?  He looks like he needs to buy two seats in a plane!

Hey, I know old age and death comes to us all; but I plan to fight them off as long as I can.  And every time I watch “Top Gun” I will rejoice at how young and beautiful everyone was.   How young I was and full of promise that sadly did not come to fruition.   “I feel the need…the need for speed.”  That’s true for me more than ever.  Which is why, not too long ago, I splurged and finally bought my first sports car.  Not because I was having some mid-life crisis (does mid-life start at 50?  If so, I’m far from that).  But because life can be short, and when I drive my Genesis Coupe, I feel the way Maverick does when he’s in his F-14 Tomcat.  Alive.

M

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