Archives for posts with tag: Jessica Alba

Grade A-

From the “fake” trailer that was in the “Grindhouse” double feature movie, “Machete” is the fully realized version, starring the incomparable Danny Trejo as an ex-Federale who winds up as a day laborer in the U.S.  Picked by a man to assassinate a Donald Trump type politician (played by Robert De Niro), Trejo takes the job and before he can fire a shot, he is double crossed and set up to take the fall for De Niro’s attempted assassination.  Wounded and on the run from the police and De Niro’s henchmen, Trejo is helped by an underground network of Mexican immigrants to get his revenge on those who wronged him.

My most memorable, movie moment of “Machete” is the scene when Trejo goes to the house of De Niro’s main henchman.  Holding garden tools, Trejo tells the bodyguards that he is the new gardener.  The bodyguards let Trejo pass; and one of the bodyguards says something like “You ever notice how we let a Mexican inside our homes just because he’s carrying garden tools?”  It’s the funniest line in the movie.

“Machete” is a hyper-violent, often silly, fast paced, action/comedy that revels in its absurdity and glorifies the 1970s cheesy action/revenge flicks.   Obviously not meant to be taken seriously, this movie is best viewed with friends as you munch on unhealthy snacks and drink unhealthy beverages.  As a bonus to viewers, “Machete” has a surprisingly complicated plot for a movie that focuses on outrageous, bloody violence.

— M

Dane Cook plays Chuck, a man who was cursed when he was a boy to never find true love; to have the women in his life dump him and find their true loves with the next man they have a relationship with.  After word gets out in the internet that any woman who has sex with Cook will soon find their true love and get married, women seek him out the way politicians seek out hookers.   And with the advice of his perverted, undersexed friend played by Dan Fogler, Cook makes it his mission to do the world a service and help as many women as he can to find their soulmates, even though he doesn’t believe of himself being a “good luck charm” to women.

It sounds like a typical man’s dream, right?  Well…that’s because it is!   But Cook isn’t a typical guy.  He likes to find a deeper connection with women; and after dozens — if not hundreds — of meaningless sex with women, he gets tired of being used as a stepping stone, and decides to go after a nice, beautiful but dangerously klutzy  woman whom he connected with earlier (that would be Jessica Alba).   The problem is: Alba knows of Cook being a playboy, so she’s always refusing his advances.  But Cook’s determination and sincerity of his affections for Alba wins her over, and the two quickly become an item.  Then, on the night when Cook and Alba are about to have sex, Fogler cuts in with a phone call to Cook and tells him that the good luck charm thing is true!  So if Cook closes the deal with Alba, she’ll eventually dump Cook and will meet another man and marry him!  And so the real drama unfolds.  Is the good luck charm thing real?  How does Cook test it to be sure?  And how did this come about, and how does he break this curse?  And how about you watch the movie to find out?

My most memorable, movie moment of “Good Luck Chuck” is the scene when Chuck was cursed.  He was playing “spin the bottle” with other kids, and on his spin, the bottle pointed to a creepy looking, Goth girl.  They both go inside a closet, and Goth girl practically starts to rape the poor, shy Chuck.  Escaping her painful advances, Chuck shrieks and bursts out of the closet, his shirt torn open and scratches on his chest and stomach, embarrassing himself and Goth girl.  Well, Goth girl doesn’t take this well, and she puts a curse on him.  See kiddies, it’s never wise to upset a witch.

“Good Luck Chuck” is a good, semi-gross out, rom/com movie that has enough of what you seek in this type of movie to give you your money’s worth.   Cook plays his character well, Alba is cute as a button, and Fogler steals the show with his very funny portrayal of the perverted, best friend.   Oh, watch out for the scene when Fogler is having sex with a warmed grapefruit as he uses an anal tickler in his craphole!

Enjoy this product responsibly.


%d bloggers like this: